As a film fan and aging human being, every now and again I start watching a movie and get the feeling I will regret these lost hours on my deathbed. At this point in my life I have no problem ending a viewing when it’s not happening for me. So in the quest to watch lots of horror flicks I thought I’d honor some “nice try, maybe we can still be friends” experiences.
13 Ghosts (1960)
This is basically a long episode of the Munsters. A family inherits a house from a distant relative who collected ghosts (where the hell do you pick up a ghost, is that a department store thing or mail order?) They can only keep the house if they live in it, along with the ghosts. But these ghosts do not feel their brood is complete without claiming a family member as their own.
There is cute gimmick going on in this movie with blue and red viewers, if you believe in ghosts use the blue viewer, the ghosts glow red. If you don’t believe then use the red side, and I presume you wont see them. There are prompts for viewer use. Also, the older daughter is cute.
Thats all I got. Maybe a little titillating for the time (doubt it) but just cute and not worth my effort, despite a few chuckles.
Tokyo Zombies (2005)
I had high hopes for this as it got decent reviews and I really enjoy Asian horror (definitely Asian) and zombies.
Two loser dudes are goofing off on the job and practicing their wrestling in a warehouse when they are busted by their boss. He chews them out and starts physically attacking one of them. The other dude, with the fro (you’ve probably guessed I love fros) hits the boss over the head and kills him. It’s kind of shocking and I expected them to be surprised too. But they are all “meh” and decide to just bury the body on Mt. Fuji, where apparently everyone in Japan buries their trash and murder victims.
So, let me pause to say that horror to me can be very funny and I love when its blatantly funny so I see the attempt here at humor. And perhaps something gets lost in translation. But there is no “save the cat” moment, nothing that makes me feel for these guys or care about them or want them to overcome the dilemma of their mistake. On the contrary, it gets worse in a smarmy and ambiguous way. While burying the body, and I’m not kidding, alongside others burying trash AND bodies, fro-boy sees his middle school teacher burying his victim, a young boy. He is mumbling about why he had to die when they were just starting to have fun. Fucking Yuck. So fro-boy has some flashback and was also a victim of this pedophile and proceeds to brutally beat him with a shovel. Obviously somewhat redeeming, but I still don’t like them.
Anyway, zombies. I am here mainly for the zombies, so I am sticking it out. The dead victims buried in Mt. Fuji begin to reawaken as zombies, and slowly begin to attack people.
Still yawn. I hate these people, go ahead and eat them.
Flesh for Frankenstein (1973)
Actually, I like Andy Warhol flicks, have seen others and knew what to expect. But it was late and I was tired and no amount of fruity boys in fancy outfits badly reading their lines could have kept me up, and I fucking LOVE all those things. So I expect to finish it.
I just need different drugs for this one.